


Steve and Tony According to Clint Barton (or the one where he thinks they're both dense as dirt)

by jesseofthenorth



Category: Avengers (Comics), Marvel 616
Genre: Angst, Friendship, Humor, M/M, UST
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-26
Updated: 2013-07-26
Packaged: 2017-12-21 09:37:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,982
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/898752
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesseofthenorth/pseuds/jesseofthenorth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clint thinks they are both dumb asses and he is getting sick of their shit. So he does something about it.</p><p>Just a little something i had kicking around on my HDD. So I cleaned it up and shared</p>
            </blockquote>





	Steve and Tony According to Clint Barton (or the one where he thinks they're both dense as dirt)

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the free space on my trope_bingo card. The prompt I chose was unrequited love / pining

Cap and Stark were close to driving Clint nuts. At first he thought they where just dancing a bit first, but it wasn't long before he figured it out for real. Tony was wimping out and Cap had no idea they were _doing_ anything.

Watching Stark was just sad. Tony could be a dink but Clint was an asshole so he kind of appreciated that in a friend. And Cap? The guy was supposed to be smart enough to figure shit out on his own.

Clint would kick anyone's ass who dared point it out, but the whole thing was bringing him down. Sad fucking thing to see a guy like Stark walking around like his heart was broken and not saying anything to the guy who broke it, being all like sad and withdrawn and crap. 

'Cause Cap, he would never do something like that on purpose. But Cap wasn't really seeing what was in front of him. 

He was seeing Stark the best friend. 

Stark the big mouth or Stark the guy so generous he gave away millions without a care. If something needed to be done, Stark did it. 

He was a bitch to reporters and wound Fury up for fun, which hell, that would be Clint's fucking _hobby_ if he could get away with it. 

Stark paid no attention to shit most people thought was a big deal and obsessed over crap that meant something only to him, or sometimes Banner. 

It's just. Tony Stark came off all bullshit and bluster but after Clint knew him for a while he could see clearly through Stark's bullshit. And the thing is? Tony Stark was actually a nice guy... masquerading as a rich, self-absorbed, spoiled, prick.

It took a while to get to know him because Stark didn't let people get too close and

When they met it was just “Barton right? I hear you're a decent shot. Can I see your bow?” 

A week later Stark crawled out of his work-shop looking like microwaved shit and dropped a bundle of the most lethal looking arrows Clint had ever seen into Clint's hand and then stumbled off to sleep for 2 days.

But mostly Tony was just loud and rude and overwhelming and one of the best guys Clint had ever known. Hell he never once made Clint feel like an uneducated carney, even though that was exactly what Clint was. 

Stark was decent and generous and Clint liked Stark. Simple. Clint gave him his shit right back and matched Tony barb for barb. Tony-fucking-Stark was a good guy and he didn't deserve half of what had happened to him, even some of the shit he'd brought on himself. Like falling for a guy as clueless as Steve Rogers, who was an equally great guy in a totally different way, but holy fuck talk about oblivious. So Clint did something about it.

 

First he tried talking to Stark.

 

They were standing in Tony's workshop and Hawkeye was watching Tony watch Steve's ass as Steve walked away.

When Steve was gone Clint casually said “Why don't you just say something to him?” 

Tony didn't deny or front, just stared at Clint like he'd lost his mind “Yeah right!” he snorted and went back to doing what ever the fuck he had been doing with his exploded-diagram Star Wars-hologram thingy.

“Come on Stark don't be a pussy! What's the worst that could happen?”

Tony stared at him slack jawed for a second before he let out a bitter laugh “I don't know Barton, maybe something like the best friend I've ever had punching me in the mouth and refusing to ever work with me again? Or even better, and this is the one that gets my bet cause Cap is just too fucking _nice_ to be a convincing homophobe. So maybe he lets me down easy and being all sad and pitying every time he looks at me until he falls in love with another hot blond and forgets I exist. Again. _That_ sounds like a _ton_ of fucking fun doesn't it?” He went back to work and pointedly ignored Clint until Clint went away.

 

Okay so talking to Stark didn't work so well. Or, you know, at all. In fact all it seemed to do was make Tony even sadder and that just wasn't working for Clint. Fucking guy deserved to be happy for fuck's sake. 

 

So talking to Cap was next.

The thing was, and Hawkeye was perfectly comfortable admitting this, Clint Barton was not subtle. At all. Not even a little bit. Unless by subtle you mean so damned blunt it made people wince. What ever. Clint didn't fucking care. He had no use for, nor ability to, tap dance around shit. If he had something to say he said it. Usually.

He thought for this he might have to use a little finesse.

Whoo boy! this was gonna get dicey fast.

Still he had to do something. So he tried subtle. It didn't really work the way he thought it would.

He cornered Steve one evening in the kitchen after Cap got back from what looked to have been another less than successful date.. And asked him “So Cap. You ever think about playing the other side of the field?”

Steve looked at him, face completely devoid of any expression at all for a second. Then he looked like he was in pain, and finally Cap answered “ Hawkeye. Uh- Clint! That's uh very ...flattering. But. I … don't... really. Think of you- like....that.”

Clint snorted and couldn’t hold in a laugh. “Oh hell no! I didn't mean that. Geez! Plus I already got a boyfriend and he would fucking kill me for even thinking about it! No! I _meant_ you haven't been having a lot of luck with the ladies lately. I just wondered if you ever thought about dating a guy?”

Steve looked him square in the eye, like he was trying to decide something about Clint. It occurred  
to Clint that he just inadvertently came out to the guy who is effectively his boss. He could have maybe done that a little differently.

“Actually” Steve told him “I had a relationship with a guy during the war.”

Clint could feel himself boggling. Actually, for real. Like eyes bugging out, stupid look on his face, boggling.

“I knew it! Fucking Coulson owes me 20 bucks, the bastard!”

Steve looked really uncomfortable and Clint thought maybe his fist pump was a little over the top. Or- um.

“I guess maybe that's not really the sort of thing a guy wants people talking about.” Clint said feeling a little dumb. It wasn't like he didn't know what it was like to want to keep private things.. well.. private. 

Steve looked relieved when Clint said “Sorry man. I can totally keep that to myself. I just. I kind of had a feeling. And I know this guy. He's a really great guy. And he kind of has a thing. For you. But he won't say anything because he didn't really think much of himself. But he is a really excellent person. Just. He hasn't had a lot of luck. In life. Or relationships. Like at all. He always ends up with these really horrible people who end up hurting him in really horrible ways. And I think he maybe thinks he deserves it. Which is why he would never say anything about how he feels because he thinks your great and way too good for him. And geez I am _really_ fucking sick of seeing him get hurt! He deserves to be happy!”

Clint ran out of breath. He decided he might be a little more invested in this than he thought. 

“Um.” Steve said. “Clint? Are you talking about Tony?” It was pretty clear from the look on Steve's face that he though he knew the answer. 

“Well. Yeah, Cap.”

“And what exactly is it that makes you think _Tony_ of all people 'has a thing' (Clint can totally hear the air quotes) for me, of all people? Doesn't he date woman?”

Clint gaped at him for a second. How could Cap not know the answer to either of those questions? Huh. Well Clint decided it was time to just go for it and enlighten him. 

“Well first off, no. Tony doesn't date women. Tony dates people he's attracted to. As far as I can tell gender isn't really an issue. The only thing they seem have in common is they are usually douche-bags. And second, the reasons I think Tony has a thing for you start with the number of times I have caught him studying your ass. And shoulders. Oh and your back. And your arms. Also there is the thing where he respects you and genuinely likes you and considers you to be one of the best people in his life. He called you the best friend he's ever had.” Clint paused for a breath because seriously, not a super soldier, a guys gotta _breathe_. “Also we might have talked about it. Some.”

“How much is some?” Steve asked sternly, as if he suspected Clint was _embellishing_ or something!

“Well, we- uh actually only had one real conversation.” 

Steve's eyebrows go up. 

“It was a very enlightening conversation! Okay not really enlightening but it completely confirmed what I have thought for a while. Tony is crazy about you.”

Steve folded his very nice arms across his chest and scowled. “Well why hasn't he ever said anything?”  
Clint wasn’t sure at this point if Steve was looking to be convinced or looking for a fight. He looked pretty pissed off. Clint decided to err on the side of convincing him.

“Because he's scared. And you know how Tony reacts when he's scared, he gets defensive. And if it has anything to do with real human emotions he runs the fuck away. There is no way he is going to admit _anything_. He'll just bluster and bullshit until he thinks there is nothing to be scared of and then pretend it never happened.” 

Steve nodded sagely at that and Clint barreled on “The thing is Cap, it's real simple. All you gotta do is decide if you feel the same way or not. And if you do? You gotta be the one to do something because this is one risk Tony will never take.” Clint paused for effect, no one could ever say he didn't have sense of the dramatic “You mean too much to him.” 

Clint could see that land like a punch and decided it was time to call it a day. He did his best and now he just had to wait. And hope Steve was self aware enough to pull his head out of his ass and see what was staring him right in the face.

Clint was still waiting for something to happen days later. He was _starting _to think he was going to have to kick Cap's ass (fuck you he totally could, so there) to get him moving. He was trying to cobble together a new plan when he stumbled into the community kitchen early one morning, looking for some of Jarvis's excellent coffee... and walked pretty much right into Cap. Who had Tony pinned to the counter kissing the living hell out of him.__

__“Ha! I knew it!” Clint crowed._ _

__Tony tipped his head and looked around Steve's shoulder, massive smug grin firmly in place “Can I help you with something, Barton?”_ _

__“You mean aside from detaching your lips from the good captain’s face long enough to get out from in front of the coffee-maker? Other than than that? Nope I think I'm good! Carry on! Ha!”_ _

__They moved, Clint got his coffee and bolted._ _

__As far as he knew they did. Carry on. A lot. Possibly in the kitchen._ _


End file.
